Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
