I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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