Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
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I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
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there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize