I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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