Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
