imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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