Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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