6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
