she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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