Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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