They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
