Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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