we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
