He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
