I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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