Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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