today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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