Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
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all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
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red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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