just survived the first fart of the relationship.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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