Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we made out on top of his cat.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
