did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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