I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
