Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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