Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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