Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
