ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
