im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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