so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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