im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
