I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
