dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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