So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
