I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
