im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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