He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My balls are so social today.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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