i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
