He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
