we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
