I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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