from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
