Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
