Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I need moral support for this bender
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
