what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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