I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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