I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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