I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I have grass duct taped all over my body
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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