Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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