i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
