I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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