Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
