Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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