what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
