dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
