i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
