You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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