Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My bed is full of blood and feathers
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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