is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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