I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
