Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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