Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
