Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just gargled with NyQuil
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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