whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
someone owes me an orgasm
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
They are going to name an STD after you.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
